It ReaLly a DamN ScarY dAy i Ever Had....

Last nite....
really scared many ppl...
including my...myself....

Well...
Where should i sharted 1st...
Ok. Let me start from yesterday morning...

I woke up as usual...going for medical check up. Then having breakfast with my friend.

When i reach home, i took my medicine n my slepping pills cuz these day i couldn't sleep. So when i'm trying to sleep, my heart started pump so fast, i couldn't breath at all. then i started to calm myself down n try not to think negative word also thought...

But, I started to feel dat my heart so pain n i crying suddenly too...
I can't stop cry cuz i also dun knw y i have dat sad feeling on me. I cry...n cry...n cry....my mum n my grandma dun knw abt it cuz i cry alone at my bedroom.

Untill afternoon...i'm started feel so tired n wanna find something to hurt myself. ( kinna Stupid rite) bt luckily i control myself to calm myself down. i walk here n there still have that thought dat wanna find something to hurt myself...Oh God, i'm really so suffer...bt again...
i ate 1 more sleeping pill to let me sleep...finally i felt asleep.

But.....
At evening...I woke up..
i thought is da next day of evening. Who knws dat juz past few hour only...i think around 2-3 hour i slept. well..Guess da sleeping pills nt works at all for me. The feelings still coming out. I feel so pain.....n started to cry...When i reach to the kitchen, I trying to find something sharp n easy to hurt myself....A KNIFE. i pull up n wanna cut myself, bt...i control it by forcing me to lock myself at the toilet.

I can't stand it at all. I call Ivan to ask him to pray for me. He's really helping me alot. Later on my forster sis wanna me to fetch her to delivered something. I thought it will be fine if i hang out a while...but useless, and it's getting even more pain. I try to hold on n try to act like nothing happen on me...

Haiz....
Pain still going on...i can't stand it anymore...Sofia( foster sis ) accompany me walk n i keep trying calm down myself, still useless...When i wanna crossing the road, i walk slowy and wanna try to wait the car crushing on me...Maybe that feeling feels so good to me i think. Bt luckily we safely cross by and i stopped at Petronas station at Hui Sing. My heart really getting even more pain. N i knw dat it's ME wanna come out and wanna hurt myself...

("ME"...will let you all knw wads is dat n y i say dat)

i quickly ask her to call Ivan...I really need a help, finally...i heard Ivan call, Bt something so weird is i wanna push Sofia away from me bt i keep holding her hand. Ivan try to pray for me on phone bt i started to scold him with a diffrent voice...OMG. Bt at last, Ivan really help me out. ME getting weaker n i'm getting even more tired n lost energy...when he stop praying...my heart really getting more peaceful than b4...

And of cuz...i can't even walk, my friends hold me up n put me into their car. I knw who are them, they drove safely. When i reach home...Sofia suggest me to stay at her house bt i still dun wan..BT thanks alot Sofia, U really help me alot....and also Ivan...Thanks alot for being by my side. i really appriciate, u r really a good soulmate to me.

Today...I feel better then b4, n I knw is i should let the past go. I shouldn't keep the past inside my heart. And i knw ME will still appear inside my heart. I will try mt best to make myself more useful and also more stronger then ME. Cuz i knw ME are still waiting for me in the future....